UN Response: Central Bank “Filled With Beans”


Central Bank of the Congo where the Central “B” is for “Beans”

In an effort to calm fears over a collapse of the banking system in The Congo due to a central bank raid at the hands of the rebel group M23, a United Nations spokesperson, as reported by the U.K.’s Guardian newspaper, declared that the white sacks that were being hauled out of the Central Bank of the Congo’s vault were “full of beans”…. not money as originally feared.

In what was no doubt a public relations move designed to calm fears may instead be the spark igniting the unintended consequence of food riots at local bank branches.  Hungry Congolese refugees fleeing conflict area may be relieved by the reality that there never was any barbarous inedible relics such as gold stored at the bank in the first place, but rather that central bank vaults were used for bean sack storage.  We are expecting updates any minute from the United Nations correcting their story to say that, yes there was gold and money in the vaults in an effort to stop the food riots, calm monetary system fears and restore order to the Congo.  Although much of the city of Goma is now in the hands of the rebels, at least there is still money in the country if and when the UN retracts their statement.  The launch of an alternative and virtually edible bean currency along the lines of Bitcoin, to renamed Bitecoin has been rumored but not confirmed. 

In a related story, Duke the Bush’s Baked Beans official spokesdog explains how the secret family recipe is baked into every bean and is not for sale… at any price.

Before you run out for a bean lunch at your local bank, here’s the full story from the Guardian:


Will The Central Bank of the Congo also issue a Force Majeure notice similar to that issued by the CME group relative to the MTB gold vault in New York?  Although it is clear that the Comex deals in bean futures, it is unclear as to whether or not any bean related Force Majeure will be announced.  For further reports on beans displacing gold as a tier 1 asset, visit www.theonion.com


The Central Bank of the Congo’s building is nice enough, but they could use central air conditioning.  It may keep people out of your bank bean vault if you keep the windows closed. 



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