I wake up this morning and like thousands of people all over the world, I do the same thing they do. I go to my laptop and type in the words www.tradewithdave.com and there it is. It just appeared out of nowhere. It’s this post and it includes a link to a video from CNN.com about the appearance of a mysterious laptop belonging to Goldman Sachs in a garbage room in New York City.
Here’s the link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D9hWnmBlVE
I’m thinking to myself… what is this? How can a blog post just mysteriously show up on Dave’s website? The site is supposed to be about trading ideas, not recycling fully functional laptops. So Dave does what he normally does when he doesn’t know what to do. He turns to his wife. “Hey Honey…. where’s our garbage room?” She tells me we don’t have a garbage room. She asks me if I mean to ask about the garbage cans. I say “No, the garbage room… like they have in New York.”
That’ s when it hits me that I used to have a garbage room when I lived in a high rise in Philly. It was at the end of the hallway and it was a door that didn’t have a lock on it. There was a small room and within the room was a garbage chute. It always seemed strangely dangerous. Like if someone didn’t like you, or your pet turtle, or your laptop they could just drop it in the chute and it would plummet twenty-five floors into the trash compactor on the ground level. I think that’s what a “garbage room” is.
Now that I’ve figured out what a garbage room is and how a laptop might be found in a garbage room, that’s when it hits me. A garbage room is NOT the garbage. It’s a room. Technically the garbage would be the trash compactor on the bottom floor of the building or the can under the kitchen sink. That’s when I realize how strange this is getting. First this blog post just shows up on on the website and now I realize that finding a laptop in the “garbage” is not the same as finding a laptop in the “garbage room.” That’s when it hits me again… I was actually in a dumpster yesterday.
That’s right. I was at the beach and one of the hotels had filled up their dumpster with those plastic milk crates… the really tough ones that you can stack and stand on. Dave loves to put these in his basement and put tools and supplies in them because you can stack them but still see what’s inside them and they’re also strong enough to use for shelves or to stand on. So Dave decides to grab a few of them out of the top of the overflowing dumpster. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Genuine milk crates are not something you can just buy at Wal-Mart (maybe you can), at least not with “property of…” printed on the side of the crate.
First you have to get up to the top of the dumpster which is about eight feet high. You can kind of put your foot onto the metal that juts out from the side that the hydraulic lift attaches to and then grab the top and pull yourself up. Be careful because you can really hurt yourself. Then the trick is to carefully reach over the top without getting your arm or shirt, or pants completely grunged on the greasy side of the dumpster. I know this is kind of gross first thing in the morning, but how would you feel if you woke up and found a blog post mysteriously appearing on your blog. Thankfully this time the milk crates were sticking out the top of the dumpster. Completely jumping into a dumpster is not something Dave would recommend, but using a long stick to retrieve something could be profitable or could be trespassing.
It’s best to hold onto the side of the dumpster carefully while kind of swinging your arm over the top and throwing the items onto the ground. Plastic milk crates are great for this part because they are lightweight, easy to grab and toss and won’t break when they hit the ground. If the police drive by (like they did yesterday when Dave was acquiring his found items) be careful to wave with your picking hand rather than your holding hand or you will fall from the dumpster and possibly injure yourself…. “Hi officer!…. Good morning!” It’s good to look official like you’re the hotel manager or something at this point. Dave looks official.
When Dave got home and showed Dave’s wife his stack of milk crates she said “I saw those sticking out of the dumpster… I can’t believe you saw those too…. thanks for getting them!” I had mixed emotions about her response because on the one hand I was proud of my acquisition, but I had a sneaking suspicion that she had plans for the crates and felt like since she had seen them first that they belonged to her. Technically I don’t believe that you can own these crates. The dairy company’s name is printed on the side. They’re kind of like abandoned orange traffic cones in a ditch on the side of the road, those plastic bins from the Post Office and library books. You can take them, but they remain in the public domain once abandoned.
All that being said, it leads us back to the only real question remaining for fake Lucas van Praag, the imaginary twitter account for the public relations man at Goldman Sachs. Legendary business investigator Charlie Gasparino already reported the source of @lucasvpraag randomly appearing tweets as being Bess Levin of the Dealbreaker blog. http://www.foxbusiness.com/story/markets/industries/finance/goldman-new-pr-good-pr/ . Will the mainstream media also be able to enlighten us as to whether or not the mysterious appearance of the fully functioning Fabrice Tourre e-mail laden laptop was found?….
a) in the garbage
b) in the garbage room
c) is garbage
For further reading on what to do when you find a Goldman Sachs laptop click here: http://tradewithdave.com/?p=6889